When what you wanted was not what you thought it would be

I had high hopes about working for myself, where ever I could find an internet connection and doing what I love to do. But it haven't reached that amazing feeling that I was longing for. Sure there have been moments. Ones that make me jump up and down squealing with delight. After all I am paying our bills and supporting our family while my husband goes to law school - which just 1.5 years ago I couldn't even fathom. But I don't feel like I've made it. There has been something missing and I think I've finally figured it out.

I am doing it all wrong.

You see, I left corporate america to escape the ropes that tied me down. I wanted a life that I loved living. I wanted to live for every single moment. So I quit my job and I set out on my own. But I started doing exactly what I was doing at my job or what I saw other people doing at my job who were making money. This seemed like an amazing plan at first. But really all I did was add a list of tasks and troubles to my already jammed packed job description - things like sales person, accountant, lawyer, and secretary. Sure I could set my own hours and work wherever but I still am not free and I am certainly working more than ever.

I've come full circle. Back at day one...and it feels horrible actually. After all becoming what you loathe is not very fun.

I am writing this so I can wake myself up. I am trying to convince myself that I needed this time to learn and grow. I needed to purge myself of all things stale, lifeless, and... well corporate. Because you become what you are surrounded by.

I am starting fresh. I've spent the last month surrounding myself with people who inspire me, the ones who bring out the side of myself that I wish I could be 24/7. I am completely changing my entire business model. It sucks to be honest. I love it but it sucks. I have amazing ideas that wish I would have thought of this 2 years ago. I would be so much father along and in the opposite direction.

I started this blog three years ago. I needed something, an outlet of sorts, to complain about how much I loathed my job. But like myself and my business, it has transformed. And we can only go up from here.